I was falling when you weren't looking
by Moonpath-wolf
Summary: Kankuro, some angst...some musing. Now includes yaoi and incest
1. Chapter 1

**Moonwolf:** …I just think Kankuro gotta feel overlooked sometimes. I know that feeling and how it works. Even tough ppl breakdown

* * *

**I was falling when you weren't looking**

Kankuro was sitting with his back against the door, his room so dark. On his desk stood empty bottles of sake that he himself had done of with earlier. His usual hood and face paint was gone as he stared blankly at the dark window. Kankuro was overlooked.

_Out of sight, out of mind  
Out of time to decide  
Do we run? Should I hide  
For the rest of my life_

He wrapped his arms around his own torso as he huddled together against the cold of the night desert. He didn't want to get up to close the window that stood open during the hot day, he didn't feel the need to close it really. Kankuro the oldest son of the Yondaime Kazekage, older brother of the current Kazekage and the best puppeteer after Sasori of the red sand and Chiyo teen finger…nothing special.  
_  
Can we fly? Do we stay?  
We could lose we could fail  
And the more minute takes  
To make plans, or mistakes_

One hand trailed slowly down to his sandal, taking one of the kunai's he always carried around. He looked at it with tired dark eyes. A tired soul looked back at him, no one noticed that because of his paint and the hood. No one saw that beyond the paint… Kankuro's eyes clenched shut and his had clenched around the handle of the weapon until his knuckles were white.  
**  
Nothing special**

That was him… Tamari was the best kunoichi, able to defeat almost anyone that decided to cross her path as long as she kept a levelled head…and she was beautiful, smart and knew it.

Gaara on the other hand was the best shinobi in the all of Suna, able to take out anyone that tried something. He was the first and best line of defence and attack they had and he was Kazekage over all, finally beloved by all. Kankuro didn't begrudge him that but sometimes…he just wished…

_30 minutes, the blink of an eye  
30 minutes to alter our lifes  
30 minutes to make up my mind  
30 minutes to finally decide  
30 minutes to whisper your name  
30 minutes to shoulder the blame  
30 minutes of bliss, 30 lies  
30 minutes to finally decide_

A slow tear tracked down his face, at times he just wished that people would look at him and see…him.

Not his father, not the son of the former Kage, not Gaara's or Tamari's brother, not the Kazekage's brother just… Kankuro… only Kankuro.

Kankuro bit his lip to keep the sob in his throat, knowing that at the slightest sound Gaara or Tamari would most likely come to check what he was doing.

_Carousels in the sky  
That we shape with our eyes  
Under shade silhouettes casting  
shapes crying rain_

What was the point really… Kankuro didn't know.

All he knew was that one moment his eyes were closed and his hand was clenching the kunai, the other the fabric of his t-shirt the next…

His blood was seeping out on the floor of his room, multiply slashes on both his wrist causing a swift blood flow. Kankuro just stared at it with dulled eyes, he finally had enough. The shadows danced in the corners of his room's as small puddles gathered swiftly around his wrist and Kankuro could hear the thump of his kunai hitting the floor. He realized dimly he cut so deep that he couldn't really feel his hands anymore… what a pity.

He briefly wondered if anyone would care… he wondered if Gaara would care?

He closed his eyes, strange, he couldn't really feel the pain from his slashed wrists  
_  
Can we fly do I stay  
We could lose, we could fail  
Either way, options change  
chances fail, Trains derail._

Hands touched him and Kankuro blinked his eyes open, his eyesight blurry. Blood loss Kankuro realised blearily as he stared at the sea of red before him, had he bleed that much?

But no, he couldn't have…he be dry now. Then the mass of red moved and he stared into foamy green eyes "…Gaara…" he whispered as he saw the emotions in his brothers eyes. Anger, fear, urgency, uncertainty…those were only a few of the myriads of emotions that he could see in those normally emotionless eyes and then the Kazekage spoke "why?" hands were wrapping up his wrists.

_Gaara_ was wrapping up his bleeding wrists… He licked his dry lips and opened his mouth to answer.

_30 minutes, the blink of an eye  
30 minutes to all of our lifes  
30 minutes to make up my mind  
30 minutes to finally decide  
30 minutes to whisper your name  
30 minutes to shoulder the blame  
30 minutes of bliss, 30 lies  
30 minutes to finally decide_

_To decide, to decide to decide to decide  
_  
"Because I was falling when you weren't looking"


	2. After

**Moonwolf:** ….it evolved….I have no idea how this evolved into incest though >.  
Oh! And this story was beta by the lovely hanyouelf on Y-gallery ^-^ all thanks and bows to you elfy!

* * *

  
**After**

Kankuro was no longer sure what to do… where to turn, run to, or how to hide.

Kankuro knew that Gaara hadn't told anyone about what the puppeteer had done or so it seemed. No one looked at him any differently, not the villagers, not his fellow ninja's, not Baki-sensei nor Temari… no one.

But Gaara did, the Kazekage would seek him out more often, if only to just sit there watching him. Sometimes the red head would try to talk with him, but it would always just trail off to staring, mostly at the long sleeves that hid the scars on Kankuro's skin or the paint that hid the dark bags under tired eyes.

Kankuro rubbed his arms, mentally cursing himself for not knowing any medical jutsus so he would have no scars. It was not like he could go to a healer with them, being who he was it would be spread over all of Suna within the hour. But he had his… cat suit… damn why did the hood have to have ears like that? But it was really the only garment he could wear in the desert that would not only keep him at right temperature ( be it night or day) but also hide away his arms.

Kankuro lazily lifted a hand towards a small puppet (perhaps the length of Kankuro's leg) in the Kazekage office and made it dance around. Obviously Gaara had caught him and bought him to the office where he spent his time sitting on the floor with his back against the desk. And now he was bored and making a puppet dance.

"Are you bored Kankuro?" Gaara asked softly, not looking up from his papers.

Kankuro just made a soft noise and made the puppet twirl like a ballerina. Gaara put down his pen slowly and looked at the puppet. It was a nondescript one, without face or any kind of marks. Only a training puppet for those who wished to become a puppeteer, how had it gotten into the office?

Gaara didn't really care as long as it kept Kankuro entertained and in his office. To be honest, Gaara was scared, after what he had seen Kankuro do to himself, the blood, and those glazed tired eyes…

Gaara didn't like the feeling of being scared.

He didn't really get a whole lot of what 'normal' people did but he did understand that what Kankuro had done had been wrong. But that was not why Gaara hadn't liked it… it was the way Kankuro's eyes had seemed… dead.

Gaara had seen death a lot… Perhaps too much, but to see his own brothers eyes look like that, well… It made him realize how fragile his family- his precious people, were. But especially Kankuro.

He had never thought that Kankuro was like glass before… but after that…

He pushed away from his desk, his chair making no sound as it went backwards and walked around the desk until he could sit down next to Kankuro, mindless of the white Kazekage robes.

The older sand sibling didn't even twitch, just made the puppet do a pirouette and dropped his head on Gaara's shoulder. The younger man blinked in some surprise before gently reaching to take away the hood that Kankuro always wore. The dancing puppet froze for a moment before going back to dancing, this time it looked like tapping.

Brown locks fell against his shoulder and Gaara ran a gentle hand though them. Kankuro had always looked more like their father, he guessed that was the main reason for the paint.

Kankuro didn't move away from the hand, and Gaara guessed that was a good sign as he reached towards the black sleeve and pulled it down. "Gaara what are you…" One pale finger trailed down the healing red scars.

Kankuro shuddered and the puppet stilled. "You… scared me," Gaara murmured softly, almost devoid emotionless. But Kankuro could hear something in Gaara's voice, making it shake softly. Kankuro had no words for that, so he only turned his head so his face was buried in Gaara's warm shoulder, forgetting about the paint that could stain the robes, the puppet falling when his arm fell. Gaara smelt of sand, the iron of blood, and a musky scent of clovers. It was soothing for Kankuro, a familiar smell to shinobi.

It didn't get far though as he felt Gaara's sand wrap around it, keeping it airborne, letting the red head trace the scarring. Kankuro shuddered again. "Does it hurt?" Gaara asked, and Kankuro shook his head.

No, the scars didn't, they were just tender though some of the deeper ones he couldn't feel at all. "No… they don't," his voice was muffled by the cloth.

Gaara made a small sound and traced some of the deeper ones. "Will I see you tomorrow?" the red head asked, making Kankuro blink against the white cloth and move his head to look at the foamy green eyes. At first they seemed careless, but when he looked closer, Kankuro could see once again the emotion he seen that night. he wet his lips with his tongue.

"Yeah… sure why you asking?" he questioned.

Gaara swallowed. "I'm just… unsure… if you're going to… be here tomorrow" he said, his hand suddenly tight around Kankuro's wrist. Kankuro closed his eyes and hid his face in Gaara's shoulder again. He knew what Gaara meant, even if the younger couldn't put it into words.

Gaara was scared he would kill himself, that Kankuro would…

Chilled fingers were under his chin and bringing his face away from that warm shoulder to look into Gaara's eyes again. "You scare me Kankuro…" he said quietly before pressing a kiss to his forehead. Kankuro closed his eyes, enjoying the contact.

Then the lips moved from his forehead to his lips, and Kankuro's eyes snapped wide open, staring into Gaara's eyes. 'No… this was wrong! Gaara was his brother they shouldn't be doing… Gaara could kiss…' Kankuro's eyes lidded before closing, leaning into the soft pressure.

A hand on the back of his head tilted the puppeteer's head and then suddenly the kiss was so much better, making Kankuro gasp into the kiss. It was all Gaara needed to sweep his tongue into Kankuro's mouth, to tease him softly into moaning.

Then it was gone and he was left panting softly for air as Gaara leaned back, his eyes on Kankuro's face and his hand sliding down to the back of Kankuro's neck, gently toying with the brown locks. "Don't do it again."

Kankuro swallowed and nodded before getting up.

Gaara let him, only watching him as he took his hood from where the Kage had left it. "I… I should go… back to my room," the older of the two stuttered. Gaara only nodded, almost smirking as he watched Kankuro stumble towards the doors. The puppeteer stopped by the door, frowning slightly before turning his head enough to see Gaara. "Um… see you later Gaara?" he asked more then anything.

Gaara nodded and murmured, "Later," and then Kankuro was gone. Gaara smirked as he watched the door and looked at his shoulder where Kankuro had hidden his face. It had purple make up on it. "Seems I need a new robe."

In Gaara's mind though, it was well worth it.

**

* * *

AN:** ….I have no idea how Kankuro ended up as the less dominant one… it just happened…


End file.
